When my boss announced that our company Christmas party would be held at a steakhouse, I didn’t think much of it at first. People seemed excited. There were group chats about outfits, cocktails, and which cut of meat was the best.
Then I remembered something important.
I’m vegan.
So later that day, I casually stopped by my boss’s office and asked if there would be any plant-based options. Nothing fancy—just something I could actually eat without picking lettuce off a plate.
He didn’t even look up from his screen.
“Just get a salad,” he said, like it was the most obvious solution in the world.
I laughed awkwardly at first, thinking he was joking.
He wasn’t.
Why It Bothered Me More Than It Should Have
On the surface, it might sound small. It’s just one dinner, right?
But it wasn’t really about the food.
It was the way he said it—dismissive, like my needs were an inconvenience. Like I was being difficult for even asking. I’d worked at the company for three years, put in late nights, helped clean up messes that weren’t mine.
And yet, in that moment, I felt reduced to “the annoying vegan.”
So I decided not to go.
I told myself it was fine. I’d stay home, order takeout, and enjoy a quiet night instead of sitting at a steakhouse watching everyone else eat while I pushed greens around my plate.
I emailed my manager, politely declining.
I thought that would be the end of it.
It wasn’t.
The Email That Made My Stomach Drop
The following week, while I was sipping my morning coffee and sorting through emails, one subject line stopped me cold:
“HR: Mandatory Follow-Up.”
My heart started racing.
I opened it.
The email was short, overly formal, and unsettlingly vague. It said HR wanted to discuss my “absence from a required company event” and asked me to schedule a meeting as soon as possible.
Required?
No one had said the party was mandatory.
I stared at my screen, replaying the conversation in my head. Had I missed something? Had I messed up by skipping it?
By the time I walked into the HR office later that day, my palms were sweating.
The Conversation I Wasn’t Expecting
The HR manager, Karen, smiled politely and gestured for me to sit.
She asked why I hadn’t attended the party.
I explained calmly. I told her I was vegan, that I’d asked about food options, and that my boss had brushed me off with “just get a salad.” I said I didn’t feel welcome, so I chose not to go.
Karen’s smile faded.
She leaned back in her chair and sighed.
“Thank you for telling me,” she said. “Because that’s… not okay.”
That’s when I realized—this meeting wasn’t about reprimanding me.
It was about him.
What I Didn’t Know Was Happening Behind the Scenes
Karen explained that HR had received multiple complaints following the party. Not just from me—though my absence raised questions—but from other employees as well.
One coworker had severe food allergies and was told to “figure it out.”
Another employee who didn’t drink alcohol felt pressured and mocked for declining wine.
Someone else mentioned a sexist joke my boss had made during a toast.
My situation wasn’t isolated.
It was part of a pattern.
And my skipping the party had forced HR to look closer.
The Power of Speaking Up (Even Quietly)
Karen assured me I hadn’t done anything wrong. In fact, she thanked me for being honest.
She explained that company events, even social ones, should be inclusive. No one should feel excluded or embarrassed for dietary needs, beliefs, or boundaries.
“I know it’s uncomfortable,” she said, “but sometimes opting out sends a louder message than showing up quietly uncomfortable.”
I left the meeting feeling lighter—but also angry.
Not just for myself, but for how many times I’d brushed off small moments of disrespect because I didn’t want to seem difficult.
The Unexpected Outcome
Two weeks later, an email went out to the entire company.
It announced new guidelines for company events: inclusive venues, clear communication about expectations, and accommodations for dietary needs, allergies, and personal boundaries.
It also announced something else.
A new manager would be overseeing our department.
My boss had been “moved into a non-leadership role pending further review.”
I won’t pretend it felt bad.
The Next Company Event
A few months later, we had another company gathering—this time at a restaurant with multiple menus and clearly labeled options.
There were vegan dishes. Gluten-free options. Non-alcoholic drinks that weren’t just soda.
When I arrived, a coworker nudged me and whispered, “Hey, this is way better than last time.”
I smiled.
It wasn’t about revenge.
It was about respect.
What I Learned From All of This
For a long time, I thought advocating for myself would make me seem high-maintenance. That staying quiet was easier.
But what I learned is this:
- Small dismissals add up.
- Inclusion isn’t optional—it’s basic respect.
- You don’t have to make a scene to make a difference.
Sometimes, all it takes is quietly refusing to accept less than you deserve.
And sometimes, skipping the salad is exactly the right choice.
