Two ladies were talking in heaven.
Wanda: Hi! My name is Wanda.
Lynne: Hi! I’m Lynne. How did you die?
Wanda: I froze to death.
Lynne: How horrible!
Wanda: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to feel warm and sleepy. Then I finally drifted off and died a peaceful death. What about you?
Lynne: I died of a heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him. I ran upstairs, searched every room—nothing. I ran downstairs, checked the basement—nothing. Then I ran all over the house, getting more and more worked up. My heart just couldn’t take it, and I collapsed.
Wanda: Oh, wow. If you had just looked in the freezer, we’d both still be alive.
Lynne blinked at her, half amused, half horrified.
Lynne: Wait… are you telling me—?
Wanda: Oh yes. I was hiding in there. My husband had come home early from work, and I thought he’d start asking questions. Next thing I know, I hear the garage door open, panic sets in, and I climb into the freezer thinking it’s the perfect hiding place. Bad idea.
Lynne: So, let me get this straight—you froze to death hiding from your husband, and I died looking for my cheating husband, and both our deaths were basically caused by men who didn’t even know what was going on?
Wanda: Pretty much. Romantic, isn’t it?
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Both women laughed.
They started walking along a soft golden path, the kind that looked like it had been designed by a luxury spa manager with an unlimited budget.
Lynne: You know, I’m still kind of mad. All that running around, all that drama—and he wasn’t even cheating. I bet he’s sitting at home right now eating leftover lasagna and wondering why I was being so weird that day.
Wanda: Oh, honey… give it a few weeks. The curiosity will eat him alive.
Lynne: And your husband?
Wanda: Oh, he’ll never forget “that one day Wanda disappeared.” But you know what? He’ll probably just assume I went to my sister’s and never came back.
They both chuckled again, the sound oddly light and free in the heavenly air.
A third woman approached, wearing what could only be described as “eternal yoga clothes.”
3rd woman: Hi! I’m Carol. How’d you ladies die?
Lynne smirked and pointed at Wanda.
Lynne: You first, freezer girl.
Wanda rolled her eyes but retold her tale. Carol listened, mouth hanging open, before bursting into laughter.
Carol: Wow. And here I thought my death was embarrassing.
Wanda: Oh? Do tell.
Carol: Choked on a gummy bear. Not even the sour kind—just the plain, boring, cheap ones from the gas station. My obituary says I “passed peacefully,” but really, I was flailing like a car dealership balloon until the end.
The three of them spent hours swapping ridiculous death stories—one woman who tripped over her own cat, another who tried to fix a toaster while standing in a puddle, and a man who thought skydiving would be a great first-date idea.
Eventually, Wanda looked thoughtful.
Wanda: You know, I think Heaven has its own “Darwin Awards” section.
Lynne: Oh, definitely. And we’re front-page material.
Carol: Hey, at least up here, nobody judges. In fact, they hand out snacks and let you roast yourself for all eternity.
They all laughed again, the sound echoing through the gardens of Heaven. For the first time, none of them cared how they got there—only that they’d found each other.
