A drunk guy gets pulled over late one night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Red and blue lights flash behind him, and before he can even fully process what\u2019s happening, a police officer is at his window, calmly asking him to step out of the car.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The officer doesn\u2019t raise his voice. He doesn\u2019t lecture. He just sighs the tired sigh of someone who\u2019s done this a thousand times before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSir,\u201d he says, \u201cI\u2019m going to need to run you through a few sobriety tests.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The guy nods enthusiastically, like he\u2019s just been invited to participate in a game show.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAbsolutely, officer. No problem. I\u2019ve got this.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The first test is simple. Walk in a straight line.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The guy takes two steps, sways like a palm tree in a hurricane, and nearly tips over. He laughs, tries again, and somehow ends up facing the wrong direction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The officer makes a note.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Next test. Stand on one foot and count to ten.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The guy lifts his foot, freezes, panics, and immediately puts it back down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cEight!\u201d he blurts out confidently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The officer rubs his temples.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They move on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cFollow my finger with your eyes,\u201d the officer says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The guy squints, his head moving instead of his eyes, then suddenly gasps. \u201cWow\u2026 you got three fingers now?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The officer sighs again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Finally, after several failed attempts and a growing sense that this is going nowhere fast, the officer decides to try one last thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He looks at the guy and says, \u201cAlright. I\u2019ll give you one final test. If you can pass this, I\u2019ll let you go.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The guy straightens up, suddenly serious. \u201cOkay. I\u2019m ready.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cUse the words green, pink, and yellow in one sentence.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The guy pauses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You can practically hear the gears grinding in his head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He looks up at the sky. Down at his shoes. Off into the distance like he\u2019s consulting the universe itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Several long seconds pass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The officer waits, arms crossed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Finally, the guy nods, clearly satisfied with himself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOkay,\u201d he says slowly, carefully. \u201cThe phone went green\u2026 green\u2026<\/em> and I pink<\/em> it up, and I said yellow<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The officer stares at him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The guy beams, proud as can be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWell?\u201d he asks. \u201cI did it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The officer pinches the bridge of his nose, trying not to laugh, trying not to cry, trying very hard to remember why he chose this career.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSir,\u201d he says, shaking his head, \u201cthat is not how words work.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The guy shrugs. \u201cAgree to disagree.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n At that point, the officer has heard enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He gestures toward the patrol car. \u201cAlright. Let\u2019s go.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n As they start walking, the guy suddenly turns and says, \u201cHey, officer?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou ever notice how sobriety tests are basically just pop quizzes you didn\u2019t study for?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The officer pauses, considers this for half a second, then says, \u201cEvery single night.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n They continue toward the car.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And as the door closes and the paperwork begins, the officer can\u2019t help but think: it\u2019s not always the swerving, the slurred speech, or the smell of alcohol that gives someone away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes, it\u2019s a sentence involving green, pink, and yellow that tells you everything you need to know.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A drunk guy gets pulled over late one night. Red and blue lights flash behind him, and before<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5556,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5555","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-world"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5555","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5555"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5555\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5557,"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5555\/revisions\/5557"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/5556"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5555"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5555"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5555"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}