Three elderly men were at the doctor\u2019s office for a memory test.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The doctor asked the first man, \u201cWhat is three times three?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c274,\u201d the man replied confidently.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The doctor blinked twice, sighed, and turned to the second man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOkay, your turn. What is three times three?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTuesday,\u201d the second man replied with a proud smile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The doctor massaged his temples.
\u201cAlright\u2026 let\u2019s try this again.\u201d
He turned to the third man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSir, what is three times three?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The third man sat up straight, cleared his throat, and said, \u201cNine.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The doctor\u2019s eyebrows shot up.
\u201cWell\u2026 yes! That\u2019s correct! How did you get that answer?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The old man grinned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cEasy. I just subtracted Tuesday from 274.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The doctor stared at him, speechless, while the first two men nodded proudly as if everything made perfect sense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Before the doctor could continue the test, Nurse Melody poked her head through the door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDoctor? You might want to step outside. There\u2019s\u2026 a situation.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He excused himself and left the three elderly men alone in the examination room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This was a mistake.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The moment the door shut, the second man\u2014Harold\u2014leaned toward the first man\u2014Norm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou know, Norm\u2026 I think I actually passed<\/em> that test.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Norm squinted at him. \u201cAnd?\u201d Harold snapped. \u201cIt felt right. Numbers are restrictive. Time is fluid.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The third man, Stanley, rolled his eyes. Norm puffed up like a pigeon. Stanley smirked. Norm opened his mouth to argue, but just then the door burst open.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It was the doctor again\u2014frazzled, red-faced.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Behind him stood Nurse Melody\u2026 covered in glitter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He cleared his throat and folded his arms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGentlemen\u2026 did any of you release the glitter bomb in the waiting room?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Harold gasped. Stanley shook his head. Norm suddenly looked guilty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The doctor stared at him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNorm?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Norm swallowed. Everyone turned slowly to Harold.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Harold raised his hands defensively. \u201cA SNACK?\u201d the doctor shouted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Harold shrugged. The doctor rubbed his forehead again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThis is exactly why you\u2019re all here.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n But before he could continue his scolding, Nurse Melody interrupted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDoctor\u2026 the three wives are here. They want to talk to you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The color drained from the doctor\u2019s face.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo. No. Not all three at once. They\u2019ll\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Too late.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Three elderly women appeared in the doorway like a trio of furious angels.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Evelyn, Harold\u2019s wife, marched forward first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMy husband thinks THREE TIMES THREE equals TUESDAY?! What exactly are you teaching him here?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Harold whispered, \u201cI still stand by it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Next came Shirley, Norm\u2019s wife.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cDoctor, my Norman said 274\u2026 again. Are you sure his test is working? Because that\u2019s the same answer he gave for \u2018What sound does a cow make?\u2019 last year.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAnd it STILL might be right!\u201d Norm protested.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Finally, Margaret, Stanley\u2019s wife, stepped forward calmly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMy Stanley is fine. The other two are pulling the national IQ average down.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n She patted Stanley on the shoulder. Stanley beamed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The room erupted into chaos\u2014everyone arguing, pointing, shouting, laughing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The doctor slammed a clipboard on the counter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cENOUGH! I can only handle one crisis at a time!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He straightened his coat, took a deep breath, and said:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou all passed the memory test.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Gasps filled the room.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Stanley frowned. \u201cYes,\u201d the doctor said. \u201cBecause the real test wasn\u2019t the math problem. It was to see if you three could sit quietly for five minutes without causing chaos.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Everyone stared at him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Harold squinted. The doctor sighed. Harold nodded proudly. Norm clapped. Stanley shrugged. Their wives shook their heads, laughing despite themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The doctor finally gave up trying to be stern.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou know what? You\u2019re all\u2026 uniquely functioning. Let\u2019s call it that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Harold grinned. \u201cSure,\u201d the doctor muttered. \u201cLet\u2019s go with that.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The three elderly men fist-bumped like they\u2019d just won the Super Bowl.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As they shuffled out of the room\u2014arguing again about whether numbers should be allowed to rhyme\u2014the nurse whispered to the doctor:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou know they\u2019ll be back next week, right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n The doctor stared into the distance, defeated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI know. And I\u2019m not paid enough for this.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Three elderly men were at the doctor\u2019s office for a memory test. The doctor asked the first man,<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4021,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4020","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-world"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4020","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4020"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4020\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4022,"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4020\/revisions\/4022"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4021"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4020"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4020"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/states-news.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4020"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\u201cYou said Tuesday, Harold.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou two are hopeless.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cExcuse me, I<\/em> was closest. At least 274 is a number.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cClosest to what<\/em>, exactly?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThere was a glitter bomb?! And I missed it?!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDon\u2019t look at me. I can\u2019t even open my pill bottles.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2026 might\u2019ve been testing my granddaughter\u2019s birthday present. But it shouldn\u2019t have gone off unless someone pulled the string!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI thought it was a snack.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt was shiny. Most shiny things are snacks.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGood job, dear.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cEven them?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHow long did we last?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTwenty-three seconds.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cRecord-breaking.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s my boy!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI still got the math right.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo\u2026 we passed?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n